A week or so ago Beth Moore posted on her blog about malapropisms. When I first saw that big old word I had absolutely no clue what it meant. But she included a definition, and when I read it, I knew exactly what she was talking about. Yesterday afternoon, Rea and I were swimming at the Yoders and I heard Spencer use one of the cutest malapropisms ever: He said that his dive toy was “at the shadow-end of the pool”. Does that give you a hint about a malapropism?
The definition of a Malapropism (n) is the unintentionally humorous misuse or distortion of a word or phrase; the use of a word sounding somewhat like the one intended but ludicrously wrong on the context." 588 people posted malapropisms on Beth Moore’s blog that day - some of them were the funniest things I have ever heard in my life!
Postings ran the gamut from the simple misuse of words like Spencer’s; others were the complete mutilation of the Queen’s English! I wish I had the time and the eyesight to count the number of people who actually thought that a chest of drawers was a “CHESTER DRAWERS”, I am not kidding. And apparently Santa Claus comes down the CHIMLEY around some parts. Rea, bless her heart, will not be alone DRAWLING in art class; and lots of little children across the country need SUNSCREAM. There were several ladies with Briggs and Stratton contractions, but only one or two with CONTRAPTIONS. And one poor woman had to have an emergency EPISIOTOMY, and she wasn’t even pregnant. And last but not least, I was glad to find out who sang one of my favorite songs from high school. I loved “Rich Girl”, who knew that a group called Haulin’ Oats sang it! I’m checking out iTunes now!
As a child my brother always said BANK ROBERT, K MARK and BESSERT. And I said NEWTILITY room. Danny’s grandmother, Annabelle, always called the median in the road, the MEDIA. And my favorite from Syd – WIDERSPEBS. We still call Rea, WOGGIN, because that’s what my niece called her. My favorite name for a swimsuit is a BANGING SUIT because a friend of the family (now 26 or so) called hers that when she was small.
But the best from Beth Moore’s post were hymn lyrics: Below are my favorites!
“Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me”
"On My Christmas Shoulders”
"He is our peas”
“Bringing in the sheets”
"He socked me and he bopped me with his redeeming love"
"...and lead a snot into temptation
"When the roses crawl up yonder I'll be there
"Up from the gravy he arose, with a mighty triumph o'er his toes..."
"Praise God from Whom all blessings flow ... praise Him all creatures, HERE WE GO!"
"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness...all other ground is stinking sand.."
"Whosoever "Shirley" (surely) meaneth me"
“I got a piece of plastic understanding down in my heart "
"Lead on, oh kinky turtle"
I know you have some too! Take a second a tell me what they are!