My Darling, sixteen year old daughter needs your help!!! She’s being held against her will in a “HELL-HOLE”, also known as our humble home.
Just for the record, we’re running an ALL-INCLUSIVE "Hell-Hole". Let me tell you how terrible it is. It comes with a private cell, decorated just like Darling ordered, with a queen concrete bunk and 400 thread count sheets. You won’t have to worry about the other prisoners looking when you bathe ‘cause you have your own PRIVATE BATH!
Let’s see, oh yeah, what about, the BRAND NEW CAR and the BP CARD to go with it?? How "HELL-HOLEY" does that sound??? Sorry, got a little sidetracked there. Where was I?
Oh yes, our All-Inclusive "Hell-Hole" also comes with a complimentary Dell Laptop and FREE WiFi, plus an Envy cell-phone with unlimited minutes and texting. There’s also an iPod with a base for your listening pleasure!
If you would like to watch a movie, you can just take over the Dad’s big TV and comfy recliners, and there’s also a Playstation II and a Wii to play if you get bored!
The Warden also gives Darling a debit card – and get this! He puts money on it every month, just for her! Isn’t that terrible! What an awful, awful man!
Doesn’t somebody feel sorry for her? Surely one of you will spring her from this dreadful “HELL-HOLE”?
Or better yet, has anyone seen a traveling band of gypsies lately? I’ll make them a real deal…