Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Some Mother's Day

Being a Mom is tough sometimes, and when those you are parenting are girls, let me tell you, that road gets even tougher.

I earned several more gray hairs over the weekend (yes, on Mother's Day) and yesterday. And I think today I will get lots more. Girls are mean, let me say that again, they are MEAN. MEAN, MEAN, MEAN, MEAN. And, don't let me leave my teenager out when I say that either.

Syd and a now Former Friend have been in an on again off again feud since late January. This is a girl that I really loved, she was here a lot, so it's been hard to watch this go on.

Through all of this fussing and fighting Syd has moved on and formed two new friendships with girls that I like. Unfortunately, Sarah became part of the feud through a boy that played both sides and that's when things really started to get nasty.

The fighting and backbiting has been at a low hum all through April and for whatever reason the opposing side didn't want to move one (or so I've been told ;) ). Former Friend went even further by launching a concentrated smear campaign against Syd at school and here's the part that got me - AT CHURCH. As a result, Syd has dropped out of Youth at church, has quit attending church and we are seriously considering whether we can comfortably continue at our own church that we dearly love.

Then on Friday night Former Friend and her cronies vandalized Syd's car and rolled Sarah's house, then posted pictures on MySpace. Luckily, no damage was done to the car, Syd's self-esteem took a major beating, the toilet paper was cleaned up, no harm there. But we were left to wonder what's next? Danny and I talked all through Saturday, didn't go to church on Sunday, because Former Friend's parents would be there and we weren't up to facing them at this point. Let me digress here to say, that Syd had been going to Sunday School because Former Friend usually DID skip that and it was a safe haven. But not so on Sunday. Former Friend was there. Syd had to endure an hour of her glares, whispers and giggles regarding her prank.

We talked with friends on Sunday who had older daughters, I talked with my Mom, we talked at length with Sarah's Mom, plus Sarah's Grandfather weighed in (he's raised four kids). After considering all this, we decided that it was time for the parents to get involved in this feud. We did not take this decision lightly. Oh yeah, I prayed, a bunch.

Sarah's Mother and I tried to take Former Friend's Mother to lunch yesterday but she was unavailable, so I talked with her on the phone. Let me tell you that was on hard phone conversation. She spent a whole lot of it telling me what my daughter had done wrong, and what Sarah had done wrong.

I told her that I did not doubt or dispute anything that she said, that I was quite aware that Syd and Sarah had ownership and responsbility in the feud. But that we were the adults and the PARENTS and that it was time for it to STOP. Former Friend's Mom felt like we should let the girls resolve the situation on their own, while I had agreed for a long time, I felt like things had come to a point that needed adult intervention. Syd and Sarah wanted to retaliate (and bad). Then Former Friend retaliates and so on and so on. WHEN IS IT ENOUGH? Do we have to wait for someone to get hurt? Do we have to wait to see our girls on TV like the ones in Florida? I'm sorry, but I'm just not comfortable with this situation. Things just aren't like they were when we were in high school, with today's technology, with MySpace and those stupid cellphones, those kids get inflamed before they have a chance to cool down and think about consequences.

We ended up having a fairly good talk and a resolution to talk with each girl requiring no retaliation or they would be punished. Avoid each other, we don't expect you to like each other, please just stay away from each other, END OF STORY. Maybe if they know the parents are in communication this situation may improve, I don't know. I think it will probably get worse before it gets better though.

I don't think today will be pretty for Syd, she was upset because we intervened, because Sarah's Mom and I said absolutely no retaliation. The Buck. Stops. Here. She's upset because she says she will look weak because her Mommy fought her fight for her. I'm thinking secretly Former Friend will be glad that somebody put their foot down.

1 comment:

Vicki Courtney said...

hmmmm....let me ponder this one for a bit. Strangely, this is the 3rd such story of this nature I've received in 2 weeks, so I'm leaning toward addressing it as my "Virtue Alert" post that will go up tomorrow. I'd been praying about what to address, so this may be the answer.

For now, let me applaud you for stepping in--that was the right thing to do, esp. given how quickly these things escalate nowadays.

check back tomorrow, friend.