I have a good friend who is a criminal defense attorney - he shared these at a party the other night. He hopes you like 'em too!
"Mr. C, where do I go to take my polygrip test?"
"I fell in a hole and tore my ACLU!"
"Mr. C, ya gotta help me. She's camouflaging my car so I can't drive it!"
"Can't we move for a change of vengeance?"
"When're we gonna take her definition?"
"My doctor wants me to botox off my pain medicine"
"That juror is communicating to me telepathically."
"When my lawyer git here he gonna gib you a edumucation!"
"Are they gonna make me wear one of those UPS tracking devices?"
"I'm making some gramastical changes."
"You dimbicile, everybody knows you can't do that!"
"How long has the jury been marinating?"