Grand Opening!!

Let’s suppose that you were going to open a new business – and for suppositions sake, let’s choose a…funeral home. Hey, I picked out of the clear, blue, it’s not like I know a single, solitary soul that would open a funeral home. We’re supposing. Remember?

Anyhoo, our first day is coming up fast, and most businesses have a Grand Opening, they invite the public in, give away stuff, serve refreshments, etc. and this left me to wonder. Just exactly what do you do for a funeral home Grand Opening?

Is it proper etiquette to have one of those HUGE blow-up floppy arm clown men?

How about flags and balloons? Or maybe one of those enormous spotlights piercing the night!

Do you fling open the doors exactly at 9:00 and then send the hearse to the hospital and the old folks home?

Do you give a free funeral to your first “Customer”?

Perhaps a coffin upgrade would be more appropriate.

If you have an Open House – do you play creepy organ music and still talk in hushed voices; or is it okay to be effusive and jubilant?

Do you serve punch and cookies? Or do you have stale sandwiches and coffee in the cramped little kitchen in the back?

Maybe they should give the kiddies Hearse rides around the parking lot – that would be a big hit.

Or how about a celebratory Open House funeral procession around town – but with flashing lights and honking horns? Doesn’t that sound fun? Go cups anyone?

I’ll bet some of you have some even better ideas!