I am now on the wrong side on the law.

Internets, I have something else that I must confess before you…

On Tuesday morning from 8:15 until nearly high noon, the police in my fair city had an APB out for me.

They had their eyes peeled for my white SUV and were checking tag numbers and finally they apprehended me at the local Church of the Nazarene. At 5’ 2”, this criminal soccer mom posed such a threat that it took TWO police cruisers to handle her!

What horrible thing did Nelson’s Mama do you ask? Why she STOLE GASOLINE from her favoritest convenience store in the world. And how do they repay her loyalty for EIGHT YEARS of buying her GAS ALMOST EXCLUSIVLY FROM SAID STORE?

Why, they CALLED THE AUTHORITIES.

On Tuesday morning, in a driving rain, Nelson’s Mama, SWIPED her trusty BP card at the gas pump. She noticed that it hesitated, but in a little while the numbers went to zero and she turned the pump on and happily got into her DRY vehicle.

When the pump clicked off, Nelson’s Mama, hopped out, and did her thing, AND DROVE OFF.

You see, this station is a PRE-PAY only station, but, apparently the new BIMBO interprets the rules as she sees fit. She CLEARED the pump and let Nelson’s Mama buy gas that she needed to GO IN AND SIGN FOR – but ONLY the Bimbo knew that, NOT NELSON’S MAMA.

SO, THE BIMBO KINDLY CALLED THE POLICE, HOW SWEET.

Not only did they stop Nelson’s Mama, but they also made her SURRENDER her driver’s license and then ESCORTED HER IMMEDIATELY to the gas station and WALKED HER IN so that she could pay for her STOLEN GAS.

That she didn’t MEAN TO STEAL IN THE FIRST PLACE!